Prince Farming Gets Slutty in Santa Fe

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The girls are sent to Santa Fe (“I’ve never been out of the country, it’s going to be amazing”) for one group date and two one on ones.

Carly comes together with Chris for her first 1on1. Meditation is a weird date choice. It’s the type of date where the producers were given a lot of money to promote the woman love guru. At least Chris explains to us she’ll bring out the chemistry between him and Carly. It turns out to be more of a sex experiment as they are told to feel each other up and strip each other’s clothes off. Carly is uncomfortable with physical intimacy, so this must be a nightmare of a date for her, despite them connecting by the end of the ordeal. In the evening, they sit down for champagne and Carly opening up about her past problem relationships.

Jade, Megan, Kaitlyn, Whitney, Mackenzie, Becca, Samantha, Ashley, and Kelsey get the group date for white water rafting. But beware, Megan thinks there might be alligators or dead bodies in the water. Jade falls into the water which makes her hypothermia act up, causing a lack of circulation in her extremities. What a problem, now Chris has to give her a foot massage. As Jade is being taken care of, Kelsey starts complaining to the camera about how she wants an injury to get special treatment. The rose ended up going to Whitney, and Ashley starts bitching and complaining to Mackenzie and Megan: “she hates me and I don’t know why.”

Jordan shows up during the evening of the group date after being eliminated in week two to the frustration of all the other girls. She’s a lot different than the drunk girl we saw early in the season, and he decides to let her back in for the group date. Each girl mentions it to Chris during their one on one time instead of spending it with him to get to know him. Ashley turned on her awful crazy eyes and ugly faces to try convincing the other girls to be rude to Jordan because Chris wanted to give her a second chance. If anything, that’s reason to give Jordan the spot Ashley should be losing. In the end, he decides to send Jordan home during the date because he doesn’t want to hurt the rest of the girls.

Britt goes on the second one on one without showering since the show started. He wakes her up and thinks she’s just as beautiful as when she’s all dolled up. Surprise surprise, it’s because she sleeps in makeup. After the hot air balloon ride, they go back to his hotel room to discuss how many kids they want and to get the rose. As the other girls talk about her earlier admission that she likes being single, Chris and her are cuddling up in bed as the doors to his bedroom close. It isn’t slut shaming if it’s about a guy, right? Britt says they took a nap and “were in his room for like two hours” but it sounds way worse than taking a nap.

Kelsey finally opened up to the girls about her dead husband, but she’s very nonchalant about the whole thing despite him dying only eighteen months ago. Her reaction to getting the group date and “not feeling special enough” is really childish. When she hears about Chris and Britt “taking a nap” she immediately goes over to Chris’ hotel room to discuss how her husband died. In the journal entry, she’s talking about how much she loves her story and how this show is about her love story with Chris and picking up the pieces of her life. She sounds like a psychopath.

Chris leaves in the middle of his speech at the beginning of the cocktail party which gives Kelsey the floor to ramble on in her crazy dramatic fashion like she runs the show. She doesn’t run the show. She isn’t giving the roses. Dear god can we take it down a notch? Everyone gets concerned as the cocktail party gets canceled because they don’t have any time to convince Chris to keep them and Kelsey has a more sad story then them. Is that what you need to get the rose?

Suddenly Kelsey is on the ground sobbing and almost having a panic attack. Is it real or fake? Who knows but *to be continued*

Girl’s Staying:

Carly (1on1), Whitney (group), Britt (1on1),  unknown cocktail party results.

Check back next week to find out what girls are staying and going home, along with what the hell happened to Kelsey.

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