JoJo’s Bachelorette season starts with lots of drunk men, and the promise of violent drama

Last season, JoJo was sent home on Ben Higgins’ season at the last moment. Apparently she wowed everyone with her bubbly personality and her “wit.” I guess that means everyone is going to love her this season, so let’s just hope she doesn’t come off like a ditz as so many others do. Can her brothers show up this season and remind her JUST how fake this whole thing is, before confronting the men? Now that would be entertaining…

But lets meet the boys! We have some definite cute guys, but then some awkward and macho guys as well. It’s always so unfortunate when the cute guys are also way too cocky for their own good.

First we get the guys with intros, so they either spin out of control in the first few episodes or are there until the end.

Grant (28) is a firefighter, and is excited about JoJo for her attitude. Jordan (27) is a hot former NFL player… her persevered through adversity of being too small, but his career hurt his relationship. Alex (25) is a Cali boy turned US Marine. The producers went to his home, so they really want to make us like him. James (27) is a ‘Bachelor Superfan’ and… I mean how can he last long with the intro they gave him? Isn’t it obvious that he wants to be the Bachelor, not a Bachelorette contestant? Evan (33) pastor turned erectile dysfunction specialist, he was slipping in a lot of ED-related jokes a lot. He isn’t that cute, but he definitely seems to have a bit more maturity. Ali (27) is really chill, but seems to have it going on. Christian (26) is the ‘most motivated guy you’ll ever meet’ because… he does crossfit? It started off bad, but it really was looking up by the end. He has his brothers live with him? That seems sweet. Luke (31) is a cute country war vet. Who can beat that on a show like this?

A lot of the limo exits weren’t very interesting, so here’s my highlights:

The first few men all focused on reassuring her they wouldn’t lie to her, because of Ben. After one or two saying that, it would probably get old real quick. Robby drank straight from the bottle he brought, reminding JoJo of the awkward/silly moment with her mom at the hometown. Alex is really short, about the same height as JoJo with her heels, but she seemed into him. Chad tried this weird ‘connection’ thing by holding her hands close, but it just seemed really awkward. Ali got all awkward exiting the limo, and had this really awful wide-eyed stare – definitely uncomfortable.

We have two major serenaders of the episode, James T and Wells. James exits the limo with a guitar and sang to her, while Wells brought a band All4One that followed him around for the rest of the night. Why did she keep that?? He also looks like a baby, certainly not living up to his 31 years.

Weirdest of all was “Saint Nick” who showed up in full Santa costume for the whole night. At one point, JoJo removed his beard and hat, but promptly replaced them – he really isn’t that cute. He definitely gets the most comfortable moment award, saying “Jo Jo Jo” until it started sounding creepy. Ugh.

Nick S did the splits because he ‘fell for her’ which was a bit odd, while Brandon showed up with the profession of ‘hipster’ to tell her he hadn’t seen her on Bachelor last season, because he’s so different. He can play up the hipster, hopeless romantic as much as he wants, but participating in a Bachelorette season loses any coolness he thought he had.

Probably the best exit of the night was Luke‘s unicorn (his horse’s name is Coconut!). Initially I was rolling my eyes, but then I realized it was Luke who I liked from the original intro… and he was referencing her limo exit from last year. Awe!

After that, it’s onto the cocktail party. Alex stole her first and got a lot of guys frustrated at him…despite that being the point of the show. Unfortunately, his time was spent impressing her with pushups. The Canadian model Daniel made a big impression on the guys, albeit not a good one. He ended up stripping down and jumping in the pool, poking another man’s bellybutton, and then explaining the damn daniel meme to JoJo. Awkward, but clearly the producers want to keep him there for his hijinks.

JoJo hit it off best with Jordan, the former NFL player. They have some sweet one on one time, and then he cuts in again to pull her aside for the first real kiss of the season. She seems so into him, constantly touching him and later giving him the first impression rose.

Jake Pavelka showed up to give her advice, not to come on the show which it seemed like would happen. So it’s a useless time-filler to get audiences and contestants stressed out with the idea of his return.

Roses: Jordan (first impression rose), Luke, Wells, James T, Grant, Derek, Christian, Chad, Chase, Alex, Robby, Brandon, James F, Ali, St. Nick ???, Will, James S, (barber), Evan, and Daniel.

So who left? Coley, Jake, Jonathan, Nick S, Peter, and Sal. Who do I remember of those? The Scottish-Chinese Canadian guy who wore the kilt, Jonathan seemed like a nice guy so it’s disappointing he’s gone. As for the others… Who are they?

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