Bachelor in Paradise begins with Hurricane Chad and old rivals returning

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If you don’t know, Bachelor in Paradise is the trashy cousin of The Bachelor and Bachelorette. That may sound crazy, since dating 25 men at once isn’t exactly a classy idea for a show, but this one is where the drama and hookups really get going. A bunch of Bachelor Nation castoffs from previous seasons meet up in paradise for a filmed vacation, where they’re expected to find love. The catch? They can only stay if they’re given a rose. One week, there will be a couple extra women and the men hand out roses to who they’re interested in, the next week it swaps and after a few new people show up the women are handing out roses.

This season starts off with a 2 hour episode of introductions and lots of journals about the beach goers. So let’s get right into it! The first arrivals are Amanda, Nick, Jubilee, Evan, Vinny, Carly, Grant, Daniel, Sarah, Emily and Haley (or: The Twins; who come as a package deal, apparently), Izzy, Lace, Jared, and finally, ‘The Chad.’

I love how cheezy the intros are, but then we also get an introduction clip for each of the ‘players’: ‘The Twins‘ are back, and vow not to date the same man. So obviously they’ll be interested in the same man. It’s weird to be the same age as contestants on the show, and realize I’m more mature… Nick Viall has also returned, after back-to-back runner up status on Andi and Kaitlyn’s Bachelorette seasons. Unlike previous seasons, it seems he won’t be rocking the villain vibes that followed him in his first two rounds. Jubileeb was resting bitch face girl from Ben’s season, now she’s back so she can look fake and smiley. Because that’s the better option I guess? I don’t see any way that she’ll not come off as rude or fake this season (because she’s either being honest, or trying to accept the premise of the show). I just don’t know if she can cut it.

 

I know Evan is back, but I don’t really know why. Did people request him? Did anyone actually enjoy his goofy little Rocky montage and journal about his mojo? It’s probably just to incite some rage in ‘The Chad‘ who has also returned, because there needs to be a dramatic draw to the first episode. Will security be following him around this season, or does the mini dog make him more likable?

Crazy girl Lace is back, claiming all that craziness was because she drank too much. But her whole intro video was her drinking wine (Apothic Red is good though, I don’t blame her). Unfortunately, Canadian Daniel is back and giving all of us a bad name. He referred to himself as herpes, because he keeps coming back. And he couldn’t say Bachelorette properly. And then he made some weird eagle metaphor which fell flat as he got confused. I forgot how dumb he was, you guys, but maybe there will be more Hitler/Mussolini jokes for me to laugh at? We can only hope.

Thankfully, none of the girls walked down the steps in heels or high wedges this year. We really don’t need any broken necks (and it’s so unbelievable, who wears that on the beach?). As everyone starts showing up, there’s some immediate revelations. Amanda seems to immediately like Nick, and Jubilee is obsessed with Jared (who everybody in Bachelor Nation seems to love). And then there’s Izzy. Who? you may ask, but that’s okay. None of the other players seem to remember her either. I guess they just really needed another girl to start off the show, but at least she seemed a bit turned off by Daniel’s idiotic conversation.

At least we know Evan looks cuter in person, because it really does not come across on camera. He’s just so focused on Chad, though. He doesn’t want “psychotic” Chad there, but it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for (apparently). Clearly Evan’s just happy to get the airtime, so he can talk about Chad. Sarah thinks Chad is just misunderstood, which is clearly why she’s failed on previous BiP seasons. Unfortunately, Lace gets an ‘instant’ connection with him which really starts off all these issues.

Daniel is a pretty gross guy, fawning over The Twins and seeing everyone else as “washed up sheepdogs.” At least he’s finally found his one true love in Chad. Finally they’re back, playing in the water and discussing who they want to bang together. Well, not together. Of course, Daniel has higher standards and thinks most of the girls are horrible wastes of space, while Chad thinks they’re all interesting.

Jubilee chooses to take Jared on the first date, to a dinner surrounded by pinatas. They start talking Lord of the Rings, and are interrupted by a freaking creepy clown. I guess it was a cute date, but the clown bit was just so weird. Clearly it wasn’t even good enough to show much of it this episode.

While they’re away, all the drama goes down. Hurricane Chad and Tropical Storm Lace hit it off, in a really weird way. They’re making out, play hitting each other, and getting into all these weird, joking fights. As things go sour, Lace is emotional and Chad is horribly drunk. Sarah decides not to stand for his disrespectful attitude, and calls him out before everybody walks away from him. When even Daniel realizes you’re crazy, that’s a bad sign.

The next morning, Chris Harrison brings everyone together to hash out the Chad drama. But here’s the question I have: was he brought onto the show just for this? And by that, I mean was he paid to act this way? I can’t imagine they would willingly invite someone back who is THIS volatile, but if he’s an actor he’s a great one. After Chris calls Chad out for everything he said, he gets kicked out. You may think Chad is gone, but it seems he’s back for some violent drama next week. And speaking of, that’s the end. Previews show he’ll be back next week to cause more drama, possibly involving Evan getting injured (but we all know how they manipulate everything to look connected).

All in all, Nick was probably my favourite this week. Early on he questioned Daniel’s intelligence about the Hitler-Mussolini jokes, but later on realizes Mussolini would be a step down in crazy. Unfortunately, it seems he’ll be forced to compete for Amanda’s heart against Josh Murray, the man Andi chose over Nick in his first Bachelorette season.

So what did you think? Are you excited for this season, or over all the Bachelor Nation we’ve had this year? Join in the conversation below, or on Twitter @reviewsbylauren!

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