Rachel is rocking this Bachelorette life, but Eric can’t deal with the process

Standard

Last week, Rachel was caught up in drama with DeMario who may have had a girlfriend before? Who knows. He was told to get the f*ck out and we thought it was all good… until he showed up at the cocktail party for the last word.

Rachel talks with DeMario for a minute – but what I really mean is he talked over her and didn’t let her speak. The guys show up to ~kick his ass~ which really means loitering in the background until she kicks him to the curb.

Then we get more of the Kablaam/Penis Drummer drama. I just cannot deal with them, it’s so utterly boring. Yabba-Dabba-Do accuses his Ex-Isle co-star of eating a banana over his bed? I guess it’s just as weird as calling someone out for bringing makeup to a TV show. But penis guy’s an annoying dweeb as well because his defence is that he doesn’t eat carbs so he couldn’t have been eating a banana. I sort of wish the little drummer boy would stay for one more group date so he could talk up his penis a lot… but I also don’t want to deal with another episode of his hair.

Roses: Dean (group), Peter (1on1), Josiah (group), Bryan, Bryce, Eric, Anthony, Will, Jonathan, Jack, Matt, Alex, Adam, Kenny, Brady, Lee, Iggy, Fred, and Diggy. And then Lucas makes an immediate call to paradise (aka Bachelor in Paradise, aka the obvious place both the dweebs will end up in). Of course, the boys have to have some stupid bullshit fight after leaving the mansion. Isn’t it obvious they’re all

The Ellen Show

The Ellen Show hosts Bryan, Jonathon, Peter, Alex, Will and Fred – so they’re really upping the star power this season. Ellen’s great through: she starts critiquing all the boys, immediately asks Rachel if she’s kissed any of the men, and gets all the guys shirtless and sends them into the audience to dance. Spoiler alert: Bryce can’t keep his mouth shut and Jonathan is a horrible dancer. Oh, and are we sure Alex isn’t actually a stripper? Next up… Never have I ever. Alex has peed in the Bachelor pool, a few have sent naked selfies, and Fred is legit in love with Rachel already?

Rachel has a lot of good guys on this date. She curls up with Peter on the couch (guys, I’m in love with them), makes out with Will some more, and ends up giving the rose to Alex. But then there’s Fred… He’s giddy about their first kiss because he’s been waiting for 20 years. But something you never want to hear? “It was like a little boy was kissing me” … Yikes! I just feel so awkward by this whole moment, but Rachel is basically the most respectable girl for sending him home right away. And can we

Horsing around

 

Anthony has never ridden a horse before and they go down Rodeo Drive – because who doesn’t like tourists right? They go into a couple stores and stop by a cupcake ATM because… that exists? This whole date is a complete mess, to be honest. Anthony seems like a sweet guy, but he also seems like the usual bland, good guy of the show.

I understand why men like seeing girls wrestle now?

Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric make it onto the final date of the week. So you know what that means? Mud wrestling! So all the men are shirtless and having a great time, dancing on a stripper pole in the party bus and generally goofing around. But Kenny the pro-wrestler is there and obviously puts on a good show.

Before this group date, Eric started ranting about his insecurities. You know, because there are 20-something guys in the house and he’s kind of a loser? When they finally get their sit-down time, she allays some fears but he sets his sights on Bryce and Lee for a bigger fight at the rose ceremony. Lee seems like a well-educated sleaze though, so I can’t decide whether to

Eric vs the World

Iggy immediately pulls Rachel aside to share his displeasure with Eric, and I love how poised he comes across. Are we getting a lot more educated men this season, or is it just me? But why does everyone want to air their dirty laundry after talking to Rachel? Iggy didn’t need to fess up to Eric, and Rachel didn’t need to go to Eric and tell him people have been talking smack if she wasn’t going to do anything about it. Eric ends up pulling everyone into the great room to yell at them. At least, that’s how it’s edited. Lee is shmarmy and rude, the embodiment of an eye roll, but… I really want to know what this is like without the edit. I can’t help but wonder if they’re blowing Eric’s anger up into a bigger thing – or if they’re ignoring other people’s aggressive antagonism to make Eric look worse?

But we’ll never know, at least until next week. I can’t believe we’re already onto the weekly to be continued’s.

 

Roses so far: Alex (group), Anthony (1on1), Eric (group).

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