Rachel sifts through the garbage fire that is Lee on The Bachelorette

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Last week, Eric got a little worked up and the producers exacerbated that to make him seem a little out of control. Lee took this to be his racist time to shine and started trying to antagonise pretty much all the men. This week Eric is all but forgotten, and all the drama is placed on Lee’s head. So what does he do? Let’s talk about that.

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The Bachelor axes more women pre-rose ceremony + new Bachelorette revealed!

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Last week we saw Nick cut his group down from 12 women to 6 through an early rose ceremony and mid-date axes. Yikes! That led to the most dramatic cliffhanger so far – and the only one that has been even remotely necessary. Suddenly, he’s not sure whether this process will really work for him – which has inspired lots of tears and introspection leading into tonight…

As a reminder, here’s the rose standings: Kristina (1on1) and Raven (group).

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The Bachelor shows the return of Nick’s baby dinosaur and a second, unforgettable, 2 on 1

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Remember that ridiculous voodoo two on one date that completely disrespected the actual religious practices of many people? Well, it hasn’t ended yet. Taylor showed up to continue the horrible trend of returning after being sent home – only to be sent away again. Surprise surprise, Corinne left the two on one with her rose and nothing changed.

So now Rachel (1on1), Danielle M (group date), and Corinne (2on1) have roses heading into the rose ceremony…

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Nick Viall’s off to a good start as new Bachelor season begins

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Many people claimed they would never in a million years watch this season of The Bachelor. They hated Nick from his two times as runner up on The Bachelorette, they weren’t swayed by the kind editing in Bachelor in Paradise, and they refused to watch when the ‘wrong’ man was chosen. But here we are, getting ready to watch another dramatic season.

Let’s be honest: the first episode is always a bit of a shit show. The entrances are either forgettable or embarrassing; the women scrambling for time with him seem desperate, bitchy, overconfident, or way too shy; and there’s always one or two girls that you know will go far in this show, from when they first step out of the limo. It’s not love at first sight, it’s good editing.

This week, Nick met up with some previous Bachelors, chatted with Chris Harrison, then met all the women and handed out some roses. We get into all the details below, so check it out!

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For the Love of Love: Bachelorette Canada’s Quest for Real-ness

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I’ve previously talked about how Bachelorette Canada feels more real and substantial than the American original, but I’ve begun to wonder whether that’s really possible.

The premise itself is quite an unrealistic one: bringing 25 suitors into one home, for a woman to date all of them in front of each other. It’s fun to watch on TV but that can’t really create a sustainable relationship, can it? Continue reading

Evan VS Chad: Round Two – The Bachelorette deals with blood and drama

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Last episode saw the ramping up of Chad’s fight against the world (or: the men competing for JoJo’s heart). Chris Harrison announced they would have a pool party instead of the usual cocktail hour, and Evan followed him out to explain Chad’s threats. Obviously, Chris would have already known all of this, especially with security in the house, but we needed it on camera. After discussing it with Chad, Chris leaves and Chad makes his usual violent death threats against all the men in the house.

As this episode starts up, Chad tries to “make amends” as Evan went on about his ripped shirt. Honestly, a ripped shirt is the least of Evan’s worries. JoJo proves to be completely oblivious, assuming a security guard means “some tension.” In other pool party news, why did Chad decide to oil himself up so much? Everyone noticed, and JoJo even commented on it, but none of it sounded like compliments… After a few more people explain their problems with Chad, he goes off on Derek and they have some words before moving onto the rose ceremony.

Roses: Chase (1on1), Evan (group), James T (1on1), Grant, Derek, Jordan, Luke, Robby, Wells, James F, Vinny, Daniel, Alex, and Chad. Because we really needed to keep him around for another episode of drama. He must be getting paid to stir up this level of drama. JoJo can’t actually want him there, right?

Everyone heads out to Pennsylvania for the first week of travel dates. Can we stop pretending to be shocked about leaving the mansion? It happens every season, and we all know when it starts. Plus, the running around a hotel suite like little kids bit it so overdone. Sure, it’s a nice place. Let’s just show it off in a couple quick shots and move on. We don’t need someone talking about the “manly hotel suite” when they’re really just acting like boys in it.

1465401485328Luke finally gets the one on one I’ve been waiting for, and he looks GOOD. They go dog sledding in the snow-less woods. At least they made it work, despite the weather issues. I want her bikini stylist, because every time they go on hot tub dates, she’s found some adorable pieces. Luke chopped some firewood for their hot tub, and then we finally have a ‘real’ moment this season. JoJo swears and slowly eases in when it’s too hot, while Luke kind of laughed at her. It was sweet. In the evening, he started opening up about his army career and proving he really has some emotional depth behind him, which easily got him the rose.

Derek, James T, Daniel, Chase, Wells, Vinny, James F, Evan, Grant, Jordan, and Robby went on a football competition date which got pretty brutal. I assumed Jordan would immediately win, being the ex-pro-football player, but they made him the quarterback for both teams. That seems a little weird, but oh well. There’s a clear underdog team with Evan and James T, the bloodied men, but they still end up winning. JoJo keeps getting weird feelings about Jordan (who has been called a player, off show) since he wasn’t opening up, but suddenly he announces he’s falling in love with her and gets the group date rose for his trouble.

bachelroetteAfter some more tension in the house before Chad and Alex’s two on one date, they get to their awkward competition for a rose. Normally these are a little uncomfortable as they try to have some feuding people on here, but this date has come a lot quicker than normal this season because Chad’s drama can’t last much longer. After some awkward silences, Alex and JoJo head off to talk Chad’s death threats (and weird “I’ll find you after the show” threats to Jordan). I’m sure that’s not all they talked about, but for a two on one it’s all that matters. After JoJo finally understands what the men have been saying the past couple weeks, she confronts Chad and gets a really mixed response. It’s like he’s no longer able to lie to her, because he starts stumbles over his words. Trying to figure out how to explain the threats (he was never backed into a corner, come on) and downplay his violent nature to JoJo, while clearly hating the men and feeling really aggressive towards them as he talks with her… that’s a hard line to tread.

After he walks back over to Alex, they start spouting some odd phrases like “hay is in the barn” and “pigs are in the castle” …like what is that? What does that mean? I know they’re trying to say everything is done, and it’s up to JoJo now, but it’s like the protein shake conversation all over again! In the end, JoJo gives Alex the rose and walks off for more of a ‘hike’ with him while Chad is left fuming.

Roses: Luke (1on1), Jordan (group), Alex (2on1)… Finally the angry Chad-bear doesn’t have a rose, but it looks like he isn’t done yet! Previews for next week show him coming back to confront the men.

So who do you like? Answer our poll! 

Evan VS Chad: The Bachelorette deals with angergasms, sex talks, and retro dates

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Last week, Chad’s feud with the rest of the men began while his honesty intrigued her.

giphyChase gets the first one on one of the week, and the date card says “let’s get physical.” He didn’t have any dates last week, so it’s nice that he’ll get one here… but why does he have to get the stupid ‘angergasm’ date? That blatant lie was just uncalled for… These yoga/massage/weird dates are always so awkward. I know the instructors always think this will bolster their practice, but I know I certainly never want to attend a yoga studio like that. JoJo later surprises us all by announcing she is attracted to Chase. Because normally on this show, you keep guys around when they’re unattractive. The producers wouldn’t have put someone like Evan on this date, they need someone with abs and muscles who they can show off. *look at what fine men we get on here*

Chase opens up about his parents divorce in the evening and then…they go outside for a concert. Why do we need to continue this segment? Most people don’t know the artist, I’m sure the JoJo and Chase don’t even know them either. It’s become really boring, since it’s so common each season.

At the mansion, Chad and Daniel are getting their weird gym-bromance on again. The grunting was definitely a bit much, but Evan’s complaints just sounded like jealousy.

Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F, Christian, Ali, Daniel, Vinny, Nick, Evan, Alex, and Chad all get the group date, which insights a lot of frustrations from Chad. He makes this big show of not wanting to go when there’s twelve guys, despite the obvious fact that he’ll end up going. “You know that’s what this is, right?” I’m happy someone (Jordan) finally reminded Chad he’s on the Bachelorette, and a big part of this show is group dates. He can’t just assume special treatment because of… the lack of an impressive connection with JoJo? Evan really has it out for Chad, but so far he’s quickly backed down once Chad notices. Luckily for him, Alex is a bro and doesn’t waste a minute ganging up with Jordan to announce he isn’t scared of the taller man.

362x204-q100_a7bcfd9bba0cca5989114e33d807fb91Once on the date, they arrive to a theatre where a woman makes sex noises that Vinny has never heard before… As the men discover they not just watching a ‘sex talks’ storytelling show, but they’re performing with their OWN stories, things get a little wild. All the guys are having a couple drinks and figuring out what stories to tell… and Chad has to ruin it. He isn’t taking a joke or having a good time because JoJo “hasn’t earned that yet.” Help me out though, when do you earn a funny story? I’m honestly curious.While Chad doesn’t want to tell a story, Evan picks this as his battle ground. Not all the men are great storytellers, but some are able to pull out a few laughs. Daniel’s hair cutting story was quite weird, admittedly. Why is he here? When we finally get to Evan’s story, he’s telling a “cautionary tale about steroids”. I think the best part of the story is actually how intense Alex got into it, he was like a kid in a candy store. Chad can’t even contain his anger about this long enough to hide it from JoJo, instead he immediately pulls Evan by the shirt as he went to hug her. He’s clearly an aggressive guy, and quickly crashes and burns. Ahh, this is so fantastic.

362x204-q100_8f1f0c4246b07a01f929bd47bd866dc8Even Chad’s gym-bro Daniel isn’t defending him (not that he ever stepped in on Chad’s side before), but when Chad starts punching doors and threatening Evan it’s a bit too much. They must have called in extra security for this evening, right? Jordan gets the first one on one time with JoJo and continues opening up to her about his insecurities. I like that’s he seems so comfortable in this situation so far, and that he’s opening up to her so early on. Unfortunately, the Chad drama isn’t over. He winds up getting drunk in the evening, and starts talking to himself about the other men. Despite Evan’s ultimatum for JoJo, he ends up with the rose. It’s so weird that he’s growing on me… I really don’t like him that much but he seems so genuine. His smile and exuberance is infectious. It comes crashing down when JoJo explains why she gave Evan the rose though, because Chad was unable to contain his facial expressions like the rest of the men usually do. He interrupts her and starts showing his true self to JoJo, then gets really aggressive in his journal.

I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be, living in the mansion and possibly sleeping in the same room as Chad. He’s clearly a time bomb waiting to go off. Daniel seems really unsure what to do with Chad, . We’re back to the crazy conversations, but instead of protein shakes it’s Hitler/Mussolini or Trump/Bush comparisons.

JAMES T., JOJO FLETCHERJoJo meets James T for their retro one on one to dance and take some old school photos. She seems really preoccupied throughout the date. They don’t seem to have much chemistry, even as their opening up. Maybe it’s because he’s so focused on his singing… I like him, and she seems interested, but I just don’t see them together.

Roses: Chase (1on1), Evan (group), James T (1on1), *to be continued*

So who do you like? Answer our poll! 

JoJo’s Bachelorette season starts with lots of drunk men, and the promise of violent drama

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Last season, JoJo was sent home on Ben Higgins’ season at the last moment. Apparently she wowed everyone with her bubbly personality and her “wit.” I guess that means everyone is going to love her this season, so let’s just hope she doesn’t come off like a ditz as so many others do. Can her brothers show up this season and remind her JUST how fake this whole thing is, before confronting the men? Now that would be entertaining…

But lets meet the boys! We have some definite cute guys, but then some awkward and macho guys as well. It’s always so unfortunate when the cute guys are also way too cocky for their own good.

First we get the guys with intros, so they either spin out of control in the first few episodes or are there until the end.

Grant (28) is a firefighter, and is excited about JoJo for her attitude. Jordan (27) is a hot former NFL player… her persevered through adversity of being too small, but his career hurt his relationship. Alex (25) is a Cali boy turned US Marine. The producers went to his home, so they really want to make us like him. James (27) is a ‘Bachelor Superfan’ and… I mean how can he last long with the intro they gave him? Isn’t it obvious that he wants to be the Bachelor, not a Bachelorette contestant? Evan (33) pastor turned erectile dysfunction specialist, he was slipping in a lot of ED-related jokes a lot. He isn’t that cute, but he definitely seems to have a bit more maturity. Ali (27) is really chill, but seems to have it going on. Christian (26) is the ‘most motivated guy you’ll ever meet’ because… he does crossfit? It started off bad, but it really was looking up by the end. He has his brothers live with him? That seems sweet. Luke (31) is a cute country war vet. Who can beat that on a show like this?

A lot of the limo exits weren’t very interesting, so here’s my highlights:

The first few men all focused on reassuring her they wouldn’t lie to her, because of Ben. After one or two saying that, it would probably get old real quick. Robby drank straight from the bottle he brought, reminding JoJo of the awkward/silly moment with her mom at the hometown. Alex is really short, about the same height as JoJo with her heels, but she seemed into him. Chad tried this weird ‘connection’ thing by holding her hands close, but it just seemed really awkward. Ali got all awkward exiting the limo, and had this really awful wide-eyed stare – definitely uncomfortable.

We have two major serenaders of the episode, James T and Wells. James exits the limo with a guitar and sang to her, while Wells brought a band All4One that followed him around for the rest of the night. Why did she keep that?? He also looks like a baby, certainly not living up to his 31 years.

Weirdest of all was “Saint Nick” who showed up in full Santa costume for the whole night. At one point, JoJo removed his beard and hat, but promptly replaced them – he really isn’t that cute. He definitely gets the most comfortable moment award, saying “Jo Jo Jo” until it started sounding creepy. Ugh.

Nick S did the splits because he ‘fell for her’ which was a bit odd, while Brandon showed up with the profession of ‘hipster’ to tell her he hadn’t seen her on Bachelor last season, because he’s so different. He can play up the hipster, hopeless romantic as much as he wants, but participating in a Bachelorette season loses any coolness he thought he had.

Probably the best exit of the night was Luke‘s unicorn (his horse’s name is Coconut!). Initially I was rolling my eyes, but then I realized it was Luke who I liked from the original intro… and he was referencing her limo exit from last year. Awe!

After that, it’s onto the cocktail party. Alex stole her first and got a lot of guys frustrated at him…despite that being the point of the show. Unfortunately, his time was spent impressing her with pushups. The Canadian model Daniel made a big impression on the guys, albeit not a good one. He ended up stripping down and jumping in the pool, poking another man’s bellybutton, and then explaining the damn daniel meme to JoJo. Awkward, but clearly the producers want to keep him there for his hijinks.

JoJo hit it off best with Jordan, the former NFL player. They have some sweet one on one time, and then he cuts in again to pull her aside for the first real kiss of the season. She seems so into him, constantly touching him and later giving him the first impression rose.

Jake Pavelka showed up to give her advice, not to come on the show which it seemed like would happen. So it’s a useless time-filler to get audiences and contestants stressed out with the idea of his return.

Roses: Jordan (first impression rose), Luke, Wells, James T, Grant, Derek, Christian, Chad, Chase, Alex, Robby, Brandon, James F, Ali, St. Nick ???, Will, James S, (barber), Evan, and Daniel.

So who left? Coley, Jake, Jonathan, Nick S, Peter, and Sal. Who do I remember of those? The Scottish-Chinese Canadian guy who wore the kilt, Jonathan seemed like a nice guy so it’s disappointing he’s gone. As for the others… Who are they?

Girls Come Out of Cakes, and The Bachelor Splits the Twins Up

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JoJo gets the first 1 on 1 of the week, and initially they’re just drinking champagne in an empty parking lot. It’s an ugly choice, and when their helicopter arrives it also proves disastrous as the champagne and small table blows over. Whoops. All the girls are watching from their vantage point in the hotel room, so that gives them some fodder to make fun of later. Initially Olivia plays it cool when JoJo gets the date, but after seeing them kiss she “feels as though she’s been cheated on.” Way to understand the point of the show, girl. They’re date proves to be a whirlwind of boring. They fly around, have drinks, discuss her last relationship and whether she’s “ready” after 5 months, then go to a rooftop for fireworks. All the girls in the hotel realize what’s happening when they hear fireworks, but how can you really? I’m sure fireworks are a much more common occurrence for Las Vegas than other locations they go. Either way, the producers pull out the classic fireworks-to-end-a-date cliché and move on to the next date.

2Amanda, Caila, Emily, Haley, Jennifer, Jubilee, Lauren B, Lauren H, Leah, Olivia, and Rachel get the group date, leaving Becca for the second 1 on 1. Don’t tell Olivia, but her jealousy is showing. As they arrive at a big theatre in Las Vegas, it’s obvious they’ll be doing a talent show in front of a full audience but they don’t seem to get that. Once they find out, some of the girls are near tears, and others go in search of Ben to hint at what they’ll be doing. Of course, Olivia is that other girl and she refuses to tell anyone what she’s doing before she hits the stage. If only she had told someone she was popping out of a stripper cake and doing a ‘sexy’ dance, then maybe she could have dropped the idea. As it were, all the other acts were silly and goofy, and perfect for the show. Jubilee played the cello, the twins did a gig, someone made balloon animals… The usual fare. Then Olivia’s cake is rolled on and it all goes downhill. She’s popping out in a bikini and cape, but the cape gets snagged and she starts to fumble and bumble around. Not sexy.

In the evening, all the girls go for a cocktail party as Olivia has an anxiety attack and resolves to fix things. He seems to be really hitting it off with the “sex panther” Caila. She keeps talking about being shy and not easy to open up, and then she jumps in for the kiss when they have a chance to talk, and never lets him go. Then again, that’s better than having Olivia rant and rave about how awkward she was, and how that was her desired effect — sexy awkwardness. Is that a thing? It certainly wasn’t happening on stage. She just doesn’t know how to be sexy, in her journal entry she’s stuffing her fingers in her mouth to have the ‘dazed and confused’ look, but it just pointed out her big mouth. In the end, Lauren B got the group date rose. Best moment of the date? Definitely when Ben got a little drunk off his massive glass of wine (seriously, was that the whole bottle in there?) and started acting a bit more fun. Why can’t he always be drunk and loosen up a little?

1Becca got the second 1 on 1 of the episode, and before her date began a wedding dress was delivered. She shows up, and he gets down on one knee to propose…that they marry other people. All that wedding dress for one measly gag… I’m disappointed, producers! They end up marring others for the day portion of the date, and talking about Becca’s virginity (and Ben’s choice to have sex) throughout the evening. She seemed to open up more quickly with Ben then she did with Chris last season, and I’m sure that’s what gets her the 1 on 1 rose.

In a surprise turn of events, Ben decides to have a 2 on 1 with the twins, Emily and Haley. But it’s not any normal 2 on 1, they’re in Las Vegas so why not stop into their mother’s house! It seems the girls still live here, and when he goes into their rooms it’s obvious which girl he’s going to choose. Haley brings him into her messy room she didn’t clean before leaving for the show, and hastily removes pictures of her ex-boyfriend as Ben comments on them. Is he really an ex? Emily and Ben curl up on his bed and chat, which seems a lot better than judging a messy room with stuffed animals on the bed. When he talked to their mum it seemed certain she was telling him to pick Haley, but he ended up going with Emily and leaving Haley at their house. That’s certainly one way to decide between the twins, but he also couldn’t be too into either of them if that’s what it took to choose?

The women who stay are: JoJo (1 on 1), Lauren B (group), Becca (1 on 1), Amanda, Caila, Emily, Jennifer, Jubilee, Lauren H, Leah, and Olivia.

Once again, Olivia was chosen last at the rose ceremony and read a lot into his hug. Really, he’s keeping you because you’re the crazy girl and yea maybe he’s sort of into you… but you won’t be his wife like you expect. Olivia’s become the full crazy girl of the season, even resorting to talking in third person and calling Ben her husband.

For our Fantasy Pool points this week, check here.

The Bachelorette Gets in the Middle of a Bromance

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Last week, Kupah was getting aggressive as Kaitlyn kicked him off the show early while Ben Z, Clint, and JJ had roses from their dates. It’s such a ridiculous stunt created by the producers. Kupah is trying to get a bit of extra screen time and there is no reason for Kaitlyn to talk to him about it. He starts going off about chlamydia and ugly girls… It’s just pathetic.

The rose ceremony that was supposed to be last week kept Ben Z (group), Clint (1on1), and JJ (group), and added Jared, Ben H, Shawn B, Jonathan, Tanner, Chris, Brian, Justin,  Ian, Joshua, Joe, Corey, and Tony.

After seeing Kaitlyn’s emotions on the second elimination, it’s going to be a crazy season. All the guys are woken up by sumo wrestlers who pick Clint, Chris, Tony, JJ, Joe, and Shawn to fight in the traditional garb. Joe was putting on a show, but I liked that he owned it instead of getting embarrassed. Peace-loving Tony expected to win in the sumo battle and then got frustrated and moody, ruining the group date. He says he views the world through the eyes of a child, he has the heart of a warrior, and he has the mind of a gypsy. Unfortunately, that’s not what Kaitlyn is getting from him and he doesn’t participate in the rest of the date. Unsurprising, he leaves the house after coming up with a great zoo animal-imitation date idea.

In the afternoon, the guys put on an exhibition sumo competition. Joe understands the true point of the date, in showing Kaitlyn that he can have fun. Clint’s plan for the evening is to wait for her to come to him. It definitely ups the awkward, but allows Shawn to get the group rose.

Chris Harrison plans a date for Kaitlyn and Ben Z in a panic escape room. Kaitlyn is scared of birds, Ben is scared of snakes… what a surprise that both of those things are in the panic room! Later, he opens up about his mum dying and how he’s never cried since then. Kaitlyn is so into those emotional stories, but I guess he is a hunk of attractive man meat.

Jonathan, Jared, Tanner, Corey, Ben H, and Ian head over to an elementary school for sex education. These young kids are all child actors, so it’s not AS bad… despite the fact that it actually is, because they’re still kids. Asking inappropriate questions. I guess they don’t know the questions are inappropriate, but it’s still not that great. Ben H is able to win Kaitlyn over with his heartfelt explanation of reproduction, whereas Joshua got embarrassed by talking about female puberty and periods. Ahhh, I’m revelling in his momentary awkwardness.

The bromance with Clint and JJ is building. I can’t help but wonder whether JJ feels the same way or if Clint is misreading the situation. It’s probably the latter but we won’t find out until next week. Kaitlyn hears about the problematic friendship, and pulls Clint aside just before the end of the episode.

Men Staying: Shawn (group), Ben Z (1on1), Ben H (group), but then we cut the as we need a cliff hanger.